Myself Asst. Professor, Galgotya University

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a leftist mob in possession of some good memes, must be in want of some innocent right-wing students to make fun of. For if you follow the news, you’d know that a certain video is doing rounds on social media where some students from a certain university are seen protesting for a cause and then, as it so often happens, the leftist, the communist, the Islamist, the urban-bourbon-turban Naxal twitter public is out baying for blood, trying to lynching these kids left, right and center.

Therefore, after watching this ordeal where the twitter firing squad is trying to disenfranchise our youth of their opinions, I have decided that I cannot stay quiet, I have to speak, especially since I am a professor* in the same university. First thing first, I work as an assistant professor of Entire Political and Ethical theory at this prestigious University, I teach two classes here, my first one focuses on ethical realignment of thought, the class is called ‘benephit le sakte hai kya?- A treatise on how workers of the world should never lose their chains, in fact put them on tighter’, the philosophical cornerstone for this class comes from the late great French philosopher Dr. Marie Antoinette. While my second class is around creating more space for pedagogy by further marginalizing the weak called ‘dosti bani rahein, a case against slums and dogs but not millionaires’, the class relies heavily on the teachings of poet and philosopher emeritus of my heart, Salman Khan, I start my class with his famous lines, ‘ek baar baby selfish hoke, apne liye jiyo na’ and set the tone for the students. By the way, both classes are still accepting students and I encourage these twitter charlatans to attend a few of my lectures to learn something.

Reading Comprehension is a Communist Tool

Now, I will break down the things that my students were accused of, firstly some people accused them and, in this case, rightly so about the fact that some of my students did not possess the right reading comprehension for their age. This one is actually something that I am personally proud of because, you see, when I was growing up, I was taught this great proverb, na rahega baas na bajegi bansuri which means when you take away the wood there shall be no flute and what is reading comprehension but the first tool of the evil communist propaganda. Imagine if my students read a line like ‘A specter is haunting Europe…’ and read it as ‘A step car is hunting your rope…’ they would never get pulled into the diabolical anti-national ideas of communism. Another moment from that video is when one of my dear students Raju seemed to mispronounce the term ‘Urban Naxal’ as ‘Urban Maxwell’, what these Twitter Trotskys do not understand is my student was talking about the broader Marxist style where their electro-magnetic charisma can sometimes pull you in and convert you into a comrade, and dear liberal arts twitter populace when you talk about electro-magnetic pull would you use the term Urban Naxal or Urban James Clerk Maxwell? Indeed, Raju my lovely pupil meant Urban Maxwell as a pejorative for these communist types.

Critical Thinking? Why not Appreciative Thinking?

The other accusation often broadly thrown at the youth of such universities is that they are not armed with the right kind of critical thinking approach and to that I say, why critical and why not appreciative thinking? The problem with these left liberals is that they always want to talk in negatives, that is not what we teach at our university, we teach positive thinking, so my students are not critical thinker but appreciate thinkers. When the prime minister says things that some think of as him trying to fester up hate against the Muslim minority, we even appreciate that.

And you know what, when Rahul Gandhi talks about wealth redistribution, we still try to appreciate it, till we realize that wealth itself is an appreciating asset. We know that as we have had this wealth thing for at least two generations now. So, then we ask, how dare you, Rahul?

At the core of it critical thinking or precisely any kind of thinking is nothing but part of the leftist tool kit, in a society guided and lead by a kind god who loves you and wants the best for you, there is no foundational need for thoughts, the only thought that most of us should entertain is around how to praise the lord and men who live in his image amongst us, we are always being guided by a gentle caring father figure who wants the best for us, except the times when we do not follow the right book or style of praying or eat the wrong kind of food and especially when we do not want to do the hanky-panky in a heteronormative way. I am just glad that my students can never read nor understand what the word heteronormative means and therefore would be shielded by any kind of sinful thoughts, but that is for another day.

Let me add this unequivocally, if your Marx was alive today, he too would believe in the power of God. For if he were here, he would be 206 and if a man lives that long what else does he attribute his longevity to but God, checkmate communists.

Religion 1, Communism 0.

Savarkars of the world untie (or unit or younight or something- I can’t spell)

Then the social media polit bureau says that the privileged educated upper cast Indian kids, who are most of my students, from such universities are always siding with those in power. And why must that be bad, Dear sir? Isn’t that the natural order of things? For example, think of a seesaw now if on one side there is a weight of 100 kg and on other it is 10 where do you think the seesaw would side? And as history is a witness, we come from a long line of brave men who have but sided with her majesty and been her most obedient and loyal servant. It is a rather communist idea of the world where you think that what should be united are the world worker’s when all we know is we are not one but many-many Savarkars.

In fact, and this is something of a family lore on this side, when in 1789 news reached my great-greater-greatest grandfather that a famous philosopher in France has said to her poor, ‘let them eat cake’, he went toward his wilting farmland himself and made a cake out of the drying grass and husk and ate it. What will siding with the so called marginalized even get us? Unity? Unanimity? Solidarity? Thank you very much, we only prefer Daal-baati.

No appeasement politics this side

What most leftists do not understand is that we stand and protest any appeasement politics. Why should one group get a preferential treatment over other? Why should that another ex-Prime Minister with a better beard and “intellect” say things like Muslims have dibs on nations resources? That is just appeasement. Then Rahul says do caste census and allocate nations resources across all caste groups. When we all know it was the British who invented caste using a Portuguese word and then proceeded to divide the Hindus in India, we accepted it because we are kind good hearted people who would never say no to anything that is being given to us for free. But not anymore, we will not accept it that is also why we are against freebies, see it this way and it all should start making sense to you.

So, British gave us caste identities and then we just had to live with it for a bit but now after ten years of freedom I do not think caste is relevant anymore, and I know what you are thinking so let me clarify, sharing same spoons or plates to cook and serve meat and vegetarian dishes is not done because of caste but for the simple reason that only a communist minded person can think of ‘sharing’ because once you start sharing what is to stop the government from asking you to share a part of your inheritance? Nothing. It all starts with sharing the same spoon and ends with a communist commune. And this is the kind of politics that neither me nor my students can stand by.

In fact, as I write this, we all stand together at the Ram Mandir in Ayodhya in this moment and thank the lord for gifting us with Yogi Adtiyanath our CM and Narendra Modi as our Hindu Hriday Samrat Prime Minister, and it is as simple for even a five-year-old to understand, we promise we shall never let such Islamo-Communist political ideas win. The problem with most of you liberandus is that at some point you stopped being a five-year-old and grew up, we didn’t. And so let it be very clear in the words of one of those placards during our civil protest which said, and I quote, “ Say no to appeasamem poltrics. Say never to coolmunism, say neverest to Shakira law.”